Is the institution of marriage disappearing?? Some coworkers and I started off this conversation yesterday on whether or not to get a prenuptial agreement (rich or poor) before saying "I do". That's another post topic all by itself. Then we moved into the conversation we have heard at length recently... Today the number of black educated women far exceed that of educated black men; hence why many black women looking for black men are alone (that's what they say)!!
One coworker said that he doesn't believe one person should be with only one person. We weren't made for that. Well what about our grandparents and their parents, I asked. They married and stayed together. They were with one person; if I'm wrong, at least they did a good job of pretending they were. Times are different, he answers.
So the conversation continued. My other coworker has been with her boo for quite some time now. They bought a house together and have a child. They aren't married. Despite outside pressures, she doesn't feel the need to get married. Why get married some ask? You have everything you would have if you were legally bound but if would be much easier (so they say) to get out if it came to that. I kind of look at this the same way I look at prenups. It really doesn't say that I have much faith in my relationship and its ability to last. I know the divorce rates but I'm an overachiever and I hope to be against those numbers. I don't judge anyone who does differently (different strokes for different folks). If we are going to have the house, the kid and the perks we are going to add the paper to the list of things we have.
So is marriage important anymore? For me, yes. What about the rest of the population??? When I said I believed in marriage, it was like I was bombarded with comments of I don't understand how hard it is and I have to be realistic. Some how my thoughts on it are outdated and naive?
I think people are too quick to rush... to marry and then to divorce. I'm a hopeless romantic and currently going to therapy to fix this problem, LOL. I believe I will fall in love with someone and we will get married and that will be it. I'm not going to rush down the aisle because ITS TIME and my clock is winding down. If a relationship isn't working out during the trial period, I move on. There is no need hanging on to relationships in hopes of change. NO!!!! People hang on to these relationships and get married thinking some magical fairy is going to come down and make everything better. The chances of this are slim. When I do weed out the hopeless relationships, I will get married and as they say, THE END. No divorce. LOL. I'm joking some what here. I really don't wanna get divorced. Sometimes I realize this is inevitable. Sometimes it ain't gonna work no matter how you try. Despite my efforts, I may end up in a marriage that just isn't working!! I realize that marriage isn't going to be easy. They say nothing worth having is easily gained. Point taken. When problems arise (and they will) I hope my husband and I will be fighters; not with each other but together against divorce. So there is my cornball theory and I'm sticking with it. That may make me old fashioned but I embrace it fully!!
1 comment:
I agree completely with the last paragraph of this post. As you know, I am a bit of a serial monogamous dater (my mom speculates that I possibly can't be without a man, which isn't the case) and I think that all of the relationships I've been have helped me figure out what I want in someone (and what I DON'T want) and even if I am the type to be with someone forever. They have helped me figure out who I am and how I want to be with someone as well. I don't think that everyone was meant to be with someone forever, but there is still hope, as long as everyone involved is not only honest with each other, but more importantly, themselves.
Also, I think people are waking up to what marriage has become. It really isn't all about what it used to be about. I'll cling to my old fashioned tendencies any day though, because I think they protect me in the end, but all marriage is nowadays to a lot of people is just a piece of legally binding paper. I understand that argument though, mostly because of the whole gay marriage/rights fight, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms.
I just know that I want kids one day and I still believe in taking that vow before God before I even think about procreating with someone. Even if it doesn't work out between us in the end, I'll know I tried to do it the right way and that my intentions to have a well balanced, healthy family were there. Even though I know the love may still exist between my partner and I even if we don't jump the broom, why not make it official?
You know..."if you liked then you shoulda put a ring on it..."
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